Sex and The Quarantine

To be quite frank, I am tired of hearing the words Quarantine, Covid-19, Coronavirus, Shutdown, and "New Normal". I don’t mean to sound like a bratty ten-year-old with her arms crossed at dinner because she refuses to eat her green beans. What I really mean is, I’m tired in the way a parent who moments ago finished organizing the playroom just heard the entire toy box dump onto the floor. Why can’t things stay nice for just one day? Why can’t we go back to the way life is supposed to be?! Sigh.

I liked my pre-quarantine routine. I liked being able to go out and run to the store without feeling like I was committing a felony. I liked going out to eat and wandering through Hobby Lobby. I liked that my husband actually left the house in the morning. I liked seeing him walk through the door at the end of the day. I liked our evenings together. But now, it’s as if everything has been tipped upside down and I’m left to pick up all the pieces. And I don’t like it. (Now I am sounding like a bratty ten-year-old!)

The fact is there’s not much I can do about it. There isn’t much of a routine around here and we are together 24-7. We have quantity time, but it hasn’t all been quality. Don’t get me wrong, we've enjoyed taking walks, putting a puzzle together and bingeing on Netflix. It’s nice to have the company. But there have also been days where we’ve been in the same room for hours at a time and hardly said two words because we are in our own little worlds. This quarantine has made social distancing a thing, but it’s also caused emotional distancing too. And then there’s sexual distancing…

I’ve been keeping tabs with the outside world through texts with friends and I’ve discovered this "new normal" has covered many marriages like a wet, instead of warm, blanket. Couples with little ones are exhausted at the end of the day and are too tired while couples with teenagers have had to get a little more creative. Others are stressed under fragile work conditions, so they aren’t “in the mood” but then there are others who are totally thriving! The bottom line: no one is getting it all right and there’s no such thing as being wrong either. It’s just the way things are right now.

Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, explains that sex is something couples have to work at. And right now, some might have to work a little harder. He also polled couples and compiled suggestions on how each spouse can make sex more meaningful. Perhaps this short list can be a hot topic of conversation and shorten the distance – whether it’s emotional or physical – between you. Who knows? Maybe this “new normal” won’t be so bad after all…

10 Suggestions Husbands have made to their Wives:

Be aggressive occasionally.
Be innovative and imaginative.
Don’t be ashamed to show you are enjoying it.
Be attractive at bedtime. Wear something besides “granny” gowns and everyday pajamas.
Do things to catch my attention; men are easily excited by sight.
Go to bed earlier.
Do not make me feel guilty for my inconsistencies during the day (not being affectionate enough, and so on).
Prolong the sexual relationship at times.
Become more aware of my needs and desires as a man.
Don’t try to punish me by denying me sex or by giving it grudgingly.

10 Suggestions Wives have made to their Husbands:

Tell me that you love me at times other than when we are in bed.
Help me to feel I am sexually and romantically attractive by complimenting me often.
Tell me what you enjoy and when you are excited.
Take more responsibility for getting the children settled so I can relax and share more of the evening with you.
Accept me as I am; accept me even when you see the worst side of me.
Spend more time in foreplay; love, play and romantic remarks are important.
Show more affection and attention throughout the day; come in after work and kiss my neck.
Never try to make love with me when you are harboring negative feelings toward me or you know things are not right; let there be harmony between us so that sex can indeed be an act of love.
Think about something nice to say about me in front of others occasionally.
Do not approach lovemaking as a ritualistic activity; make each time a new experience.