How to SET up a supportive conversation
Life, and therefore marriage, is not without challenges that come in varying degrees. From a one-off tiff with a coworker to a devastating diagnosis, it's tough to see our spouse struggle.
When you are at a loss for words, using the acronym SET can help guide your conversation. SET stands for Support, Empathy and Truth. Listed below are examples of each.
SUPPORT - express how you can help
While I may not understand everything you are going through, I'm here for you. Tell me what you need.
I might not have an answer but, I'll do my best to listen/help you gain clarity/offer an additional perspective.
It angers/saddens me to hear this.
Is there anything I can do to help?
EMPATHY - share in the emotion they are feeling:
I would feel the same way in your situation.
That doesn’t sound fair/right, no wonder you feel that way.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this uncomfortable situation.
That must have been difficult.
I think it’s normal to feel that way.
** Before I say anything else, I want you to know...
how much I love you/care about this/this matters to me because it matters to you.
TRUTH - speak in love from your heart
I happen to see the situation differently.
Can I share my perspective?
May I ask a few questions to help gain clarity?
You make a good point, but it appears there is something else going on.
I think you’ve done everything you can do.
A successful conversation is when your spouse feels seen and heard. You might not have solved the problem but if your words soothed their heart, that's a win!

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